Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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