I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
