im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We have started to decorate penises.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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