I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
