Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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