mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
