like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
