His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
