Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
