some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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