Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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