Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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