is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
