Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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