they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
