Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wear drunk well.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
