i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
