Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
