i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize