I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
