I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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