Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
