so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
