Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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