when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize