Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
