Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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