Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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