I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
