Im at strip club and am horny
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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