What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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