Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
