After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
