he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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