meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
