Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
