in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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