he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
