one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
