I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize