On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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