Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
