and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
