How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
