dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize