How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
