i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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