now i know why i became what i already was.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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