Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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