I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
