I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
