check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
