Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
