me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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