When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
