part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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