how can u be prego again
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
