there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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