Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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