she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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