Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
