I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
