oh god the rape fog is back!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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