he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
