Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
