yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
